Gwen Schemm

My name is Gwen Schemm, and I just finished my senior season at Frostburg State University in Frostburg, Maryland. I played soccer for 16 years of my life and playing college soccer was always a dream I had. I have certainly had my fair share of injuries from spraining my back, concussions, to breaking my feet multiple times I need surgery to realign them. But, those aren’t the scars I want to talk about. Going into college, like most other college soccer players, I came from teams where I was one of the top players. I was and still am a perfectionist. I expect the best from myself. I’ve since learned my perfectionism is rooted in my fear of failure and disappointing the people I care about. The summer before college I struggled immensely with anxiety, constantly doubting if I was good enough to play and worrying about what my teammates were going to think of me. I made it through preseason, but I wasn’t playing like myself. I didn’t know who I was on or off the field. I lost myself. Everything became hard. I began to self-harm. That was the lowest I had been. I told no one. When I returned to school for my second semester, I began seeing a therapist at school who diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. I was incredibly ashamed to be in that position. I put on a façade – I managed to keep my grades up and put a smile on my face. I talked to my parents that summer and got help at home which was a huge help.
It took me longer than I would like to admit to realize it was okay. In all honesty, sometimes I still struggle with that shame. But, being a college athlete is HARD. There’s a lot of pressure on you to succeed in your sport and in the classroom. Then throw in injuries, practices, and everyday life - It’s a lot and it’s okay to need help. I was lucky to have a great support system in my family, teammates, coaches, and athletic trainers that wanted to see me happy and healthy. After not knowing the girl I was on the field my first-year, I’m proud to say I’ll be graduating after keeping straight A’s, leading my team as Captain my senior year, and being named FSU’s first female Academic All-American in NCAA Division II competition. It takes work, but it is so worth it.

You learn to be ashamed of your scars. But, in reality, scars prove you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.